Little Orange Dahlia Days

Generally I don’t like to swear in writing, but 2023 was a shitty, shitty year.

My alimony payments stopped coming and my ex-husband purposefully paid $500 less than he should have.

I caught COVID for the second time, was hospitalized and then put in a convalescent care facility.

A good friend of mine died while I was in convalescent care.

I had to learn to walk with a walker. I now walk very carefully with a cane.

I was laid off from my job.

I couldn’t afford my mortgage anymore since I couldn’t work so I had to pack up my stuff and put it in storage and find a tenant.

I had to hire and pay someone to paint the condo and replace the flooring (something I couldn’t afford to do for myself when I bought it), which cost several thousand dollars.

I had to sell my paid off car since I can’t drive anymore.

I had to move to Vermont to live with my sister so I wouldn’t lose the condo I was now renting out (six months after losing my job).

My relationship with my sister has deteriorated since I moved in to her house with her and her husband.

My relationship with my best friend has deteriorated over the course of this year.

I have no friends or acquaintances in Vermont and live in a very rural area. There’s no opportunity to make friends.

I have not yet received unemployment or disability benefits in the eight months that I’ve been unemployed and am drawing down my savings precipitously. I worked and saved so very hard to have savings; something I’ve never had before in my whole life. It will likely all be gone in the next year.

I am still having to make $450 per month student loan payments since I’ve had difficulty obtaining a signature on forms from my doctor that would certify disability.

I am still having problems with my memory due to COVID. It was stellar before.

Most importantly, i am capable of doing significantly less than I could before. I have difficulty with writing, with fastening my clothing, with balance and mobility, with finding words and relating concepts; I need help showering. I have fallen several times. None of these things were issues before.

I don’t know if or when things will improve for me physically, which means that I don’t know when my situation will change. When I can live on my own again. When I can take care of myself again. When I can work again. If I’ll ever feel like myself again.

2023 sucked. I don’t know that 2024 will be any different. I’m afraid to hope that it will be.